I’m a jedi at this shit, trust me. Don’t ask, just do.
- Begin by forgetting everything good about yourself. This is very important when it comes to not accepting compliments honestly and an overall sense of worthlessness. Do not skip this step. This is the classical technique foundation of being invisible.
- Begin dressing as if you’re a Mormon. Nothing against Mormons, they just get the ‘don’t make any appealing part of your body visible’ ideology. Any attention is bad attention. Be smart and maximize your ability to be looked straight through by approximately 50% of the people around you who may otherwise find you attractive.
- Stop talking about yourself. Certainly do not open up to any new human. If no one knows anything about you, they will probably forget you. Yay!
- An extension of step 1; scan back through any positive attributes about yourself and ensure that your belief in your skills and passions are stamped out stat. You cannot allow inspiration to encourage you to do anything stupid like standing out. A useful mantra is ‘I am uselessness personified.’
- Let time do its thing by distancing any pesky accomplishments. Blergh. The longer ago you did anything noteworthy, the more you can write it off as a fluke or a horrible mistake that was thrust upon you.
- Ensure that your body language is closed, crossed and makes you appear literally small at all times. Stick to the outsides of rooms. Corners are your friends.
- In unavoidable social situations, do not, I repeat do NOT let yourself be seen in any kind of positive light. Deny, deny, deflect. People muchprefer an awkward and painfully self-deprecating human over one who owns anything perceivably good about themselves. This is not rocket science. It’s common sense.
- The equivalent of ‘going clear’ or ‘enlightenment’ in the art of being invisible is strategically positioning oneself to never receive anything at all. Not a second glance, not a compliment, DEFINITELY not anything physical like a gift good lord. In fact, if you’ve reached the pinnacle of this practice, you won’t even be valuable enough to be paid, for anything. Accepting money is the equivalent of terminal blasphemy, this is a mortal sin, do not accept help. Ever. Under any circumstance.
- Be vanilla and 100% agreeable all the time. Not having an opinion means you have nothing to say which means you are aligning in your uselessness. Double down on that shit.
Now you know the definitive 9 step process to becoming invisible. Use these steps wisely. They are extremely effective. You’re welcome.