I listened to this podcast earlier today about how we are fearful of change and how to have the life you really want… ya know manifesting and all that! I have to admit I love to take the piss out of these things from time to time, but… I am about to contradict myself in the same sentence. a lot of the points that were addressed generally ring true. One point that was especially poignant was women who slowly adjust their behaviour in order to make other people feel more comfortable. I know this isn’t just women, men definitely would experience this as well. However, it is far more prevalent in woman especially when it comes to keeping their man happy and protecting the male ego.
I know so many strong, assertive, opinionated women who feel the need to tone down their behaviour so it doesn’t shake the boat or make their partner feel less than. This behaviour is ridiculously unhealthy, as you slowly start to cut away at the self-esteem and self-confidence that you possess in order to make someone else more comfortable. I’m not saying be outspoken for the sake of being outspoken or take an opposing opinion in order to feel strong. I have done this in the past. I generally just ended up looking like an arse … one of my finer talents really.
What I mean is, everyone’s feelings are valid and you should feel comfortable to express them! Don’t take it to the extreme as I would and abuse your partner for bringing home normal tomatoes instead of cherry tomatoes. Although, I still feel that the emotional response of screaming “BUT YOU KNOW I WANTED CHERRY TOMATOES!!!!” followed by hysterically crying, as well as being absolutely astonished that he would do this to me was a completely valid expression of my feelings at THAT point in time. I’m not excusing this behaviour, but you shouldn’t feel the need to slowly carve away at big pieces that make you, the original you. If you’re loud be loud, but don’t be obnoxious and inconsiderate. If you’re emotional be emotional. Express yourself and find a creative outlet to funnel these feelings through. Be assertive and if people are scared or intimidated, then that is their shit. As long as you’re coming from a place of love and respect for your self and others then do what you need to do.
People pleasing is the quickest way to making you unhappy and living a life and creating a person that panders to the expectations of others. I only say this because I am the ultimate people pleaser. I hate to say the word NO because I’m afraid that my friends will decide they don’t like me. I used to constantly do things out of fear of not being loved or liked but the funniest thing is that when you start to put your self first you start to earn your own self respect. Look, I’m only three weeks in so I haven’t changed my life…. YET! I am starting to like myself more and care less about what other people think. I’m starting to enjoy my own company and I’m coming to terms with letting go. This is not to say that I don’t care at all because I think that’s completely unhealthy as well. Caring what other people think is also a really important part of being considerate and kind but don’t try and become someone you’re not in order to skew someone else’s perception of you because you’re really only hurting yourself. In the same breath don’t listen to me because what the fuck do I know I just had a thought and I wrote it down. This has no factual information, but it is the chaos ramblings in my head… it could actually be a pure piece of genius. Eh you decide.
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